I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
