did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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