I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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