I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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