next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
