I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
