dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can I color on your dick again?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just pee around me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
