thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
