theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
