Your dad touched me again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
