he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
