A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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