I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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