You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
