my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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