if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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