absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
