508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
