K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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