just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
