you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize