Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
