You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
