HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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