I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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