I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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