Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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