Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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