so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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