Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
