You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
