I didn't shave. On purpose
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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