Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
