Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.