I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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