i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's blow job season.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
