She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
