Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
