I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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