I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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