Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
