talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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