do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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