I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
