eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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