i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
