There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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