quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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