I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
