trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
do herpes really smell.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
