i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
