If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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