i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
