just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
