The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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