i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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