i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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