i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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