He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
