I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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