yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
