it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
