I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
