I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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