She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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