Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
