She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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