let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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