just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
