OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
