Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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