When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
