Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
