Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
