He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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