If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
