I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
