i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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