8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
