i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This baby is an asshole
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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