i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize