so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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