just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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