I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
