how can u be prego again
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
