Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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